Author: Marissa DeCuir

Survivor shares twelve lessons to empower cancer patients and caregivers

PITTSBURGH, Pa. – Kelley Skoloda was the healthiest person she knew—until the day she became a cancer patient. During her first, routine colonoscopy, Kelley received a shocking diagnosis: colon cancer. Three years later, her new book reveals how stories can be powerful motivators and how painful distraction can be turned into advocacy and action.

Based on the true story of her cancer journey, “A Way Back to Health” (She Writes Press, November 9, 2021) reveals surprising lessons that paved the way for her recovery, shares helpful action steps for those who find themselves in a similar situation, and illuminates how personal stories can powerfully motivate and heal. With a foreword by Lisa Lurie, co-founder of Cancer Be Glammed, the book also features examples of how other amazing survivors have learned to manage, survive and thrive in the face of cancer. She also explores how often overlooked actions, such as trusting your instincts, speaking up, getting a second opinion, and watching for miracles, can have a profound impact on recovery—lessons meant to help patients advocate for themselves and help friends, family, and caregivers as they wrestle with cancer and its treatment.

“Stories can be powerful motivators and, with cancer, can promote advocacy and action,” said Kelley Skoloda, author. “By sharing my story, I hope that someone will find the help they need on their cancer journey.”

Cancer will affect one in three people directly, and many more indirectly, in their lifetime. With its real-life stories and unexpected lessons, “A Way Back to Health” is a helpful and relatable guide to the most important information you need to know about cancer—for the time you need it most.

“A Way Back to Health: 12 Lessons from a Cancer Survivor”
Kelley Skoloda | November 9, 2021 | She Writes Press | Nonfiction, Self-Help
Paperback | ISBN: 978-1-64742-217-2 | $16.95

KELLEY SKOLODA: Kelley is a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, author, and MBA; the founder and CEO of KS Consulting & Capital; and, now, a cancer survivor. She is a recognized authority on consumer brand marketing whose business book, Too Busy to Shop: Marketing to Multi-Minding Women, was named a “must read” by Publisher’s Weekly. As co-chair of the investment committee of the Next Act Fund, she invests in female-led startup companies. She has been named one of the “most influential women in business” by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and serves on several boards of directors. She has been quoted in HuffPo, Time.com, TODAY.com, Fortune.com, Forbes, Adweek, BRANDWEEK, C-SPAN, and many other media outlets. Kelley’s family is the center of her life and she loves to golf, cook, travel, and enjoy cat humor with them. She is grateful every day for the love and support she received throughout her health challenges and hopes her story can be helpful to others navigating cancer. For more information, visit: https://www.awaybacktohealth.com/

Follow Kelley Skoloda on social media:
LinkedIn: @kelleyskoloda | Twitter: @kelleyskoloda

In an interview, Kelley Skoloda can discuss:

• How the response from sharing an article on Medium inspired a full-length book
• How stories are powerful motivators to get health screenings
• How and why she blended her advice with the personal stories of other survivors
• How her approach to cancer treatment changed from distraction to action
• Why self-advocacy is critical for cancer patients and is particularly challenging for women
• Five lessons and suggested action steps for turning a frightening diagnosis into a manageable journey
• Counter-intuitive actions that she took that helped her
• How she managed being an entrepreneur and running a business while having cancer
• What she ultimately hopes readers will take away from this book

An Interview with Kelley Skoloda

1. Before you wrote “A Way Back to Health,” you had shared an article on Medium that touched many readers. Can you tell us about your article, and how this turned into a full length-book?

After a life changing diagnosis, I felt the need to let my friends and business network know what had happened. Through an article on Medium (which can be found in its entirety in the Appendix of the book) and a Facebook post, I shared the story of my situation, diagnosis, and surgery. As a result of sharing my story, I was soon inundated with not only well wishes but also reactions like “I’ve been meaning to schedule my colonoscopy screening and now I’m doing it,” and “Your story has incentivized me to get my [husband/mother/father] scheduled for their next screening.” Dozens and dozens of people responded and were taking action, not because of the new guidelines (which had just been released and in the news that week), but because of a personal story.

2. How are stories powerful motivators?

I still wrestle with sharing my story because I don’t want the pain of reliving even a second of the ugliness. But what I have found is that there is pain in not sharing a part of my life that has forever changed who I am. After undergoing the full process, from diagnosis to surgery to chemo and back to health, I learned a great deal along the way. I witnessed other patients and their families struggling with challenges like I had experienced. They are lessons I never wanted or expected to learn, but they helped me and, based on the power of personal stories, could help others who are coping with a similar situation.

3. There’s a feeling of warmth and community that shines through this book. Why did you decide to highlight the stories of other survivors in this book?

In talking with other survivors, I found that many share similar sentiments. To explore an even wider range of experiences, my editor suggested that I incorporate lessons from other cancer survivors. My “call for survivor stories” on Facebook and LinkedIn received an amazing response. Fellow “warriors” shared moving and powerful stories with me and granted me permission to share them in this book. While reading the stories shared with me, I felt like my immense pain and suffering paled in comparison to what so many others and their families, especially children, have endured. There is such a quiet strength among these survivors. Given the ubiquity of cancer in general, someone you know is likely suffering right now, and there is always someone who is having a worse day than you.

4. How did your approach to cancer treatment change from distraction to action?

Once you are diagnosed with cancer, cancer can take over your life. The doctors’ appointments are time-consuming and the healthcare system is maddening to navigate. The anxiety and mental anguish infiltrate daily life and impact everyone in the family. When I started to advocate for myself and take action, I felt less distracted and started to gain more mental control of my situation.

5. What does it mean to advocate for your health? Why is this important and why is it particularly challenging for women?

Medical expertise is critical, but only YOU know you best. One month into my chemo regimen, I was in dire straits due to side effects, and I found it hard to speak up. Self-doubt about my condition, a significant loss of energy, not getting much of a reaction from the medical team, and not wanting to be a pain all contributed to my reticence. Don’t let yourself get to this point. If things don’t seem right to you, then they aren’t. Speak up for yourself.

Speaking up is important, critically important, and, in fact, encouraging patients to speak up about problems that occur during hospitalizations can improve patient experience and safety, research indicates. However, it is a universal challenge. While many people speak out about many things, speaking up for yourself is not nearly as common. It’s particularly difficult for women the world over, given how our society and culture trains both men and women to think and behave, and shapes how we all perceive assertiveness. Having spent decades in the marketing industry working with powerful women and men, I have seen the tendency firsthand for women to advocate strongly for others but neglect to speak up for themselves. Whether it’s a result of politeness or uncertainty, many women tend to not speak up, or not speak up loudly enough.

6. What are the top 5 actions you would recommend for turning a frightening diagnosis into a manageable journey?

1. Do Your Research, knowledge is power.
2. Get A Second Opinion, your doctor is one expert in a field of many.
3. Watch for Miracles, especially when you are facing cancer, every part of your life can produce miracles, if you look for and recognize them.
4. Prepare to Speak Up, if things don’t seem right to you, then they aren’t
5. Trust Your Instincts and Take Action, only you know you best.

7. What are some counter-intuitive actions that you took that helped you?

In one chapter in particular, Fake it Til You Make It, I talk about how I got up, got dressed, put on make-up, combed my hair and worked almost every day, despite pain, fatigue and despair. Though my mind and body were not up to the task, I found that “faking it” helped me get through tough times. I refused to let cancer define or lessen me. I even dressed in “work clothes” for doctors appointments and chemo treatments.

8. How did you manage being an entrepreneur and running a business while having cancer?

Having just launched my consultancy eight months before my cancer diagnosis, dealing with a life-changing health condition in addition to being solely responsible for my business was a lot. So, I got up every day, got dressed and worked. I received good advice from friend Lisa Lurie, also a cancer survivor, to not take on too much work and allow myself some flexibility, which I did. But when you are responsible for helping to support your family, it’s a big incentive to work through the challenges.

9. Who do you hope will read this book, and what do you ultimately hope they take away from it?

I’ve seen the quote, “Stories help others. Share yours.” While talking recently to a friend who had been diagnosed with breast cancer, she said she had read about my story on social media. She went on to say that she and her family had taken several of the actions that I recommended and that they helped her. It is my hope that by sharing my story, someone will find the help they need on their cancer journey.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

Sydney, Australia – Award-winning author Sarah Lahey returns to 2050 Earth with an optimistic second novel in The Heartless Series. Nostalgia is Heartless (She Writes Press, Oct. 26, 2021) continues Quinn Buyer’s journey as she navigates a desolate planet on the brink of destruction while juggling her pregnancy, her depressed meerkat, and her relationship with her partner.

Earth, 2050. Pregnant, unemployed, and living back home with her father, climate scientist Quinn Buyers wonders how she got to this point in her life. Her famous scientist mother is mysteriously missing, the planet is at risk from a massive solar storm, the Transhumans want to take a colony to Titan, and her assisted living companion, a robotic meerkat, is showing clear signs of anxiety and depression. But her biggest challenge is her partner. How can she reconcile her long-distance relationship with this reserved, enigmatic cyborg?

The sequel to Sarah Lahey’s debut novel and the second book in the Heartless Series, Nostalgia is Heartless delves into the world of the near future, exploring a society on the brink of climate catastrophe. This time, Quinn’s adventures take her across the globe to Antarctica . . . where it rains all day, every day. Readers will delight in following Quinn’s journey as she races to save her family, her planet, and — hopefully — her love life.

Nostalgia is Heartless
Sarah Lahey | Oct. 26, 2021 | She Writes Press
Paperback | 9781647422097 | $16.95
Ebook | B08W2CKXZF | $9.95
Science fiction/climate fiction

More about SARAH LAHEY

Sarah Lahey is a designer, educator, and writer. She holds bachelor’s degrees in interior design, communication, and visual culture, and works as a senior lecturer teaching classes on design, technology, sustainability and creative thinking. She has three children and lives on the Northern Beaches in Sydney, Australia. Find out more at https://www.sarahlahey.com/.

Follow Sarah on social media:
Twitter: @SarahKLahey
Instagram: @SarahKLahey

Advanced praise for ‘Nostalgia Is Heartless’

“This near-future story of a world ravaged by climate change will delight lovers of both romance and action sci-fi. Alternately funny and philosophical, this story paints a vivid, high-tech world while still packing an emotional punch… The quirky characters lend a whimsical feel to the story, and Lahey is clever and inventive in imagining new technology while still dealing with relatable problems.” Booklife Reviews

“In this gripping novel set in a near future beset by relentless climate emergencies, a principled scientist grapples with personal and scientific challenges.” Foreword Clarion Reviews

“A thrilling and immersive work of speculative climate fiction. The mix of humor, whimsy, and science makes for a climate change-centered adventure that manages to feel escapist and topical at the same time.” Kirkus Reviews

Awards and praise for ‘Gravity is Heartless’

2021 Independent Publishers Award – Gold Medal (Science Fiction 2021), International Book Awards – Finalist (Science Fiction 2020), American Book Fest Awards – Finalist (LGBTQ)

“Loved it. An adventure romp . . . set in a not too distant future and played for high stakes. It’s fun, witty and endlessly inventive . . . Bravo.” Peter FitzSimons, author of over 20 books, including, Kokoda, Gallipoli and Nancy Wake

“This is an impressive first novel by Sarah Lahey with its scope, literary qualities, and philosophical insight. I highly recommend Gravity Is Heartless.” Readers Favorite Review

“Lahey’s prose is lush—describing a deeply imaginative world—and on the whole, the story is thoroughly engrossing. An engaging adventure set in a deftly illustrated future.” Kirkus Reviews

“An inherently fascinating and fully entertaining read that showcases author Sarah Lahey’s impressive flair for originality and the kind of narrative storytelling style that keeps the reader’s attention fully focused from cover to cover.” Midwest Book Review

“Infused with wonder and the brilliance of the real world, Lahey excels in Quinn’s narration, breathing life into the dying world while giving Quinn a unique, knowledge-based personality.” Paperback Paris

In an interview, Sarah can discuss:

• Our relationship with technology and Artificial Intelligence (AI)
• The future of smart cities and smart buildings
• How to trust your crazy ideas and think creatively
• Balancing real world issues like climate change with fantastic ideas like time travel in her books
• Why it’s important to her to maintain a sense of optimism in science fiction

An Interview with Sarah Lahey

1. What inspired you to write a story featuring climate change?

I’ve been a designer for over 30 years, and a decade ago I started lecturing university students on sustainable design. I asked my students if they believed in climate change — less than half the class raised their hands. So, I thought, how am I going to teach this? Why don’t people believe in climate change; it’s a scientific fact?

So, I decided to write a novel set in the middle of a climate change catastrophe, where sea levels have risen, clouds have disappeared, and the planet is heating up. I thought if people read this, they might understand more fully what life would be like in a world affected by climate change.

2. Nostalgia is Heartless balances human aspects with more futuristic topics. How did you achieve this?

I think a key principle of science fiction writing is that the inhabitants of future worlds will be very similar to you and me. Some people will be anxious, some neurotic, and some will be perfectionists. The way different generations behave and move through the world is strikingly similar.

Humans might not change that much, but the world they inhabit will. Creating and describing this world takes a good imagination, a solid understanding of the past and the present—to be able to effectively describe the future—and lots of research, particularly in science, technology, medicine, and engineering, because these disciplines embody change.

3. What kind of research do you do for books featuring technology that’s still more or less in discovery phases?

My research coincided with my knowledge and love of architecture and the built environment, and this spilled over into the book. Most of the new technologies and world building ideas are based on real world scenarios. Many of the ideas are already in place, or not that far away, but not all of these will be adapted by mainstream culture.

4. Where do you draw inspiration?

Everything I do influences my writing. My ideas come from art, architecture, literature, film, music, and nature. Ideas are everywhere, the universe is filled with them. Everything, and everyone is interesting. But you must put yourself in a good place to find ideas, and then learn to trust yourself and your crazy ideas.

5. Your story isn’t strictly sci-fi and also includes a romantic element. What was your inspiration for Quinn’s relationship? How do you mesh these genres?

I don’t think you can have a story without love, whether that be romantic love, or something more pragmatic. It’s a fundamental life force that permeates everything we do. I like the idea of finding love, sex, romance when you least expect it, and that’s what I wanted for Quinn.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

OAKLAND, Calif. – Pregnancy can feel scary enough when all things go according to plan, but how much does that fear escalate when you’re told your baby is arriving dangerously early? Author and mother Melissa Harris encounters all that and more, which she details in her breathtaking debut memoir, “One Pound, Twelve Ounces” (Nov. 2, 2021, She Writes Press).

Harris’ dream of being a mother again shatters when a fertility doctor tells her she may never have another child because of a physical anomaly in her uterus. Determined to persevere, she undergoes nine surgeries, goes through a year of fertility treatments and endures multiple miscarriages. When what she’s decided will be her last attempt results in becoming pregnant, she’s told that this baby, Sam, is also at risk. While lying in a hospital bed for six days, trying to get to the golden standard 24-week gestation mark, Harris makes a decision: She will give this baby every chance to live, no matter what it takes.

Follow this inspiring journey of one mother’s determination to give her micro-preemie a fighting chance — and the story of that baby’s remarkable battle to survive.

“A powerful story of resilience and parental love. Melissa does a beautiful job of taking the reader on her journey through infertility and heartache … What Melissa went through to become a mother again and what Sam endured in his first year will leave you feeling inspired and hopeful. It’s through stories like this that we humanize one another. A must read.” — Aaron Wright, award-winning author of “Thirteen Doors”

“One Pound, Twelve Ounces:
A Preemie Mother’s Story of Loss, Hope and Triumph”
Melissa Harris | Nov. 2, 2021 | She Writes Press | Memoir
Paperback | 978-1647422134 | $16.95 | Ebook | $9.95

MELISSA HARRIS is a single mother of two children living in Oakland, Calif., where she was raised. She was on the fast track to being a partner in a mid-sized ad agency when she gave birth to her second child, Sam, and the trajectory of her life changed. Melissa is now a work-from-home account manager for two virtual creative agencies in the Bay Area. In her free time, she drives kids from activities to appointments to playdates, volunteers at the neonatal intensive care unit at Alta Bates Hospital where Sam was born, and helps her congresswoman fight for better health care for all Americans. For more information, visit Melissa’s website, https://melissaharrisauthor.com/ .

Follow Melissa on social media:
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

In an interview, Melissa Harris can discuss:

• How she coped mentally, physically and emotionally with the struggle to become pregnant and her miscarriages
• The American health care system and the roles it plays in fertility, pregnancy and birth
• Parental leave policies among U.S. employers and how they affect employees
• Her work with her state representative to fight for better health care
• Advice for those struggling with infertility, miscarriage, or a premature birth
• How to best support people struggling with becoming or staying pregnant
• Her PTSD diagnosis and the frequency with which it affects mothers of premature babies
• How writing her own experiences grew into the idea for the memoir
• The ways her book differs from other books tackling infertility and prematurity

An interview with Melissa Harris

It must have been extremely challenging both mentally and emotionally during the struggle to become and stay pregnant. How did you cope?

I am not sure I did cope! The years of trying to get pregnant were so difficult emotionally. Every time the pregnancy test came back negative, I felt like a failure. That feeling was further enforced by the fertility doctor telling me that the struggle was due to my body. The only thing that kept me going was my desire for a second child and the sweet face of my daughter.

What advice do you have for those struggling with infertility and the pregnancy journey?

Forgive yourself. Pregnancy loss is not your fault. Trouble getting pregnant is not your fault. Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone. Get a therapist, an outlet for your anger, something. I wrote and I talked to my therapist. Letting those feelings out is vital.

How can a loved one, family, friends, etc. best support someone who is struggling with challenges in pregnancy?

The best support is to be available. Be honest: You don’t know what that person is going through; you can’t take their pain away. What you can do is be patient and understanding. It can be hard to be around someone who is sad all the time, but remember, it’s not about you. Send a funny video, a kind note, let them know that even if they don’t respond you are there — no matter what.

How has your parenting journey changed as a single mother?

Single parenting is a whole different level of parenting. You are now balancing being outnumbered by kids (at least in my house) and having to coordinate with a co-parent on rules. In my personal case, I have the kids over 80 percent of the time and an added layer of a co-parent who is less involved and not 100 percent in agreement on the structure my kids need. It’s a fine line to walk — and a complex one.

Why did you decide to write your story as a memoir instead of the blog you began writing?

I started my blog as a way to keep my brother, who lived in Lesotho at the time, informed about what was going on with Sam. Then it grew, as family and friends from all over began to turn to the blog for updates. Then, friends who knew people with a preemie would ask if they could share my blog or even introduce me to their friends. It became clear to me that my story and experience could be helpful for others.

What sets your book apart from other memoirs tackling the same topics?

I am not a doctor. I am not religious. The majority of books on these topics are either written by someone with a medical background or someone who believes that God’s will is an important factor in their story. Neither are the case with me. I am just telling my story. What I learned, what I felt, what I experienced. It is a real story, told by a real person for other real people.

How is Sam doing today?

Sam is amazing. He is almost 11. He is slightly nearsighted (who isn’t) and sometimes gets constipated (who doesn’t). He was diagnosed with autism when he was around 2½ years old. He is currently main-streamed at a dual-language immersion school. Sam is fully bilingual (English/Spanish), has a great group of friends, is a huge fan of Usain Bolt, NASCAR and F1. He tells the BEST jokes. Basically: Sam is a hoot, and I can’t wait to see him continue to grow.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

The search for love has no age limit — at 50, it may be just the beginning

OAKLAND, Calif. – The modern-day dating world can feel tedious, but what if it didn’t have to be? What if instead you turned your search for love into a sexy, fun social experiment? Author and researcher Carolyn Lee Arnold does just that in her debut memoir, “Fifty First Dates After Fifty,” (Nov. 2, 2021, She Writes Press).

After Arnold, a free-spirited, 50-something longing for a life partner, breaks up with her non-committal Buddhist boyfriend (and holds a “letting go” ceremony to seal the deal), she challenges herself to go on 50 first dates during her search for a monogamous life partner. Set in the Bay Area world of personal growth workshops and spiritual ceremonies, this revealing memoir traces the adventurous path of Arnold’s universal quest for love. The goal of 50 dates with 50 different partners pulls her forward through the highs and lows of dating — magical and ecstatic, pining and painful — while her heart soars, falls and keeps on going. Buoyed by her dating project, she avoids settling for the wrong guy and discovers the type of man she wants.

Erotic in places, funny in others, this upbeat memoir about the search for a partner at midlife is a celebration of one woman’s unabashed sexuality. Join Arnold on terrible dates, great dates and everything in between as you follow her midlife journey of self-discovery and self-love along the way to finding Mr. Right.

“Carolyn’s story of dating resilience and persistence shows us that finding a deep love is possible at every age.” — Sasha Cagen, author of “Quirkyalone”

“Fifty First Dates After Fifty: A Memoir”
Carolyn Lee Arnold | Nov. 2, 2021 | She Writes Press | Memoir
Paperback | 978-1647422110 | $16.95 | Ebook | 978-1647422127 | $9.95

CAROLYN LEE ARNOLD drew upon her 30 years as a social science researcher and 10 years as a relationship workshop assistant to create the dating project in “Fifty First Dates after Fifty.” A native Californian from Los Angeles with a New England education, Arnold found her true home in the San Francisco Bay Area, where she prepared for dating and life by attending spiritual ceremonies, working in free clinics, leading women’s backpacking trips, hiking the local green hills, identifying as a lesbian-feminist in the 1970s and ’80s, and earning graduate degrees in women’s studies, statistics and educational research. “Fifty First Dates after Fifty” is her first book, and excerpts have been published in Persimmon Tree, Outside In Literary & Travel Magazine, and the Human Awareness Institute’s Enlighten Journal. An excerpt from her second memoir, about her lesbian-feminist years, has been published in Noyo River Review. Still a feminist, she lives in the Bay Area with her partner — one of her 50 dates. For more information, including dating resources, visit carolynleearnold.com/.

Follow Carolyn Lee Arnold on Instagram @carolyn.lee.arnold
and Facebook @CarolynLeeArnoldAuthor

Praise for Carolyn Lee Arnold:

“This is no mere memoir but a handbook on how to date the adult way. By reading Arnold’s entertaining and upbeat story of voracious exploration, Generation X, Y and Z can learn everything no one ever taught them about effective communication, self-care, emotional responsibility and joyful sexual freedom. If dating is in your future, this inspirational book is for you.”
Robin Rinaldi, author of “The Wild Oats Project”

“This book will have great appeal to other seekers — men and women — especially those who are older or long for a deep sensual connection to others. Carolyn is such a role model for other middle-aged women — unafraid, unabashedly sensual and assertive. I love how brave and brazen she is!”
Julia Scheeres, New York Times best-selling author of “Jesus Land”

“Carolyn boldly shares the raw vulnerabilities of being a person truly living life on her own terms.
You’ll be rooting for Carolyn all the way through as she tries, fails, feels, picks herself up,
dusts herself off and courageously moves forward into her next new adventure. …
I was hooked at the prologue. You will be too.”
Wendy Newman, author of “121 First Dates”

“Carolyn Arnold’s dating stories in ‘Fifty First Dates After Fifty’ will be inspiring for any woman who worries that life has passed her by and that it’s too late to attract a life partner. There will be bad dates, broken hearts and dashed expectations — and some hot fun along the way.”
Sasha Cagen, feminist life coach and author of “Quirkyalone”

In an interview, Carolyn Lee Arnold can discuss:

• How to avoid dating pitfalls and learn to date the adult way — with effective communication, self-care, emotional responsibility and joyful sexual freedom
• Embracing sexuality and empowering others to open more sex-positive dialogues
• How women can have control over their own bodies and reject traditional gender roles
• The need to integrate more conversations about sex and sexuality into our daily lives
• Rejecting the internal pressure to settle and trusting that you can find Mr. Right at any age
• Insight into the different types of dating and dating communication, including dating someone with a large age gap and openly discussing sex and sexual preferences
• The vast array of relationships, including monogamous, polyamorous and open relationships
• Learning about and tapping into emotional intimacy
• The Human Awareness Institute’s heart-centered approach to dating and relationships

An interview with Carolyn Lee Arnold

What made you want to write down your experiences and share them with the world?

In my late 50s, I set a goal of dating 50 men in order to find the right partner for me. As I proceeded through my “Fifty First Dates Project,” I noticed that while I was thoroughly enjoying dating, many women my age were feeling discouraged by their dating experiences. So I wanted to offer my approach and experiences as models and inspirations for other women. Also, I found that right partner, so I wanted to offer hope to older women that they could find their mate in later years.

How did setting a goal of 50 dates make dating more enjoyable?

Setting a goal of 50 dates and framing my dating as a research project gave me forward momentum and objectivity that took the weight off each date to be “the one.” Knowing that I could move on to the next date helped me evaluate each date based on how I felt about myself, how I felt about the man, and how I felt about our interactions. I could enjoy the man I was with without so much pressure. If we didn’t seem like a match, either from his or my perspective, it was not a big tragedy—just more information on the way to finding the right partner. And I could look forward to the next date.

You went on a lot of different dates. What was your most painful dating experience?

​​I dated a small business owner who said he wasn’t in a financial position to date and that he didn’t want to be sexual unless we were monogamous. I ignored both statements because I saw his potential as a partner, and then I watched as he ignored his own boundaries by continuing to date me and becoming sexual when I was still seeing others. By then, I was sure we were on the way to becoming partners, so I was surprised when he suddenly pulled back, saying he could not be partners or lovers with me. It was very painful because my hopes for a partner had been raised by my fantasy and his actions.

What about your most wild or magical dating experience?

One of my most wild dates was accompanying date number 9, who was my lover, to a New Year’s Eve party. He suggested that we might want to “play” with another couple there, i.e. have sex with them, and it turned out that I already knew and liked the woman and was instantly attracted to the man. We ended up setting up a cozy sleeping nest in the basement and stayed up late having a safe sex discussion. But by the time we finished we were too tired to do anything, so we slept and then made love to each other in the morning. That man ended up being date number 10 and my model of an ideal partner.

My most magical date was being led on a path up a backyard slope to a candlelight hut playing angelic music. It felt like a hillside house out of “Lord of the Rings.” This man, who danced in an African dance troupe, had also prepared an exotic dinner served in a room filled with African masks and statues, accompanied by stirring world music, so the whole evening felt otherworldly.

Why didn’t you think polyamory would work for you? What made you want to search for a monogamous relationship?

I didn’t think that polyamory would work for me because I wanted to be my man’s main focus, emotionally and sexually, and I wanted him to be mine. I had been in short monogamous relationships and I loved monogamy — the emotional security of knowing that you would both bring all your emotional and sexual energy to each other and not get distracted by others. I tried a short polyamorous relationship at a summer retreat, and although I loved the freedom my partner gave to me, I could not imagine being emotionally secure enough to give my partner the same. Plus, I was a busy professional: I didn’t have the time I knew it would take to process the painful bumps along the way to a successful polyamorous relationship.

Do any of the men you’ve dated know they are in the book? How do they feel about it?

Many of the men I dated knew that they were part of a dating project with a goal of 50, as I would tell them about the project if we had more than a few dates. I wrote the book after I finished the project, and when it was done, I contacted the men who were the major dates to see if they wanted to read their chapter and make sure that their privacy was protected. I had changed all their names and many personal characteristics. All those who read their chapter approved of how I disguised them. They were overwhelmingly positive about what I had written — either flattered about what I said about them or impressed with my honesty about our interactions—and supportive of my publishing it. Some even wanted their real names used!

What is the best piece of dating advice you can give to those who are single and searching for what you have found?

My overall dating advice is to increase your ability to love yourself and develop an awareness of what you have to offer as a partner. The way to do that is to build up your support network: friends, women’s or men’s groups, personal growth workshops, and communities of people with your shared interests, values and beliefs. Surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you — as a single or partnered person — and do the inside work to love yourself as much as they love you. That will attract someone who loves and appreciates you that same way. And remember, you only need one!

What are you working on next?

I’m working on a memoir about the 18 years I spent identifying as a lesbian, from my mid-20s to my early 40s. It starts with my first attractions to women and includes my decision to declare myself a lesbian, my years in the Berkeley and San Francisco lesbian-feminist community of the 1970s and ’80s, my decision to go back to dating men, and why that process took 18 years. This period of my life is alluded to in “Fifty First Dates after Fifty,” and I realized that it deserves its own book.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

Dr. Nancy Stella transcends traditional therapeutic approaches in a new guide to living the life you want

CINCINNATI, Ohio – Are you afraid of loneliness or failure, confrontation or facing the unknown? Psychologist Dr. Nancy Stella draws on decades of experience in clinical practice in her new book, “Fear Traps: Escape the Triggers that Keep You Stuck” — which presents her concept of the Courageous Brain Process, a six-step, science-based treatment plan to help people overcome fear.

“Fear Traps” equips readers to heal trauma and take on new challenges with confidence and resilience. Dr. Stella shows us that fear is normal, but fear does not need to control you. If you’re feeling trapped in a cycle of coping mechanisms that just keep making things worse, there is a way out. With over 30 years of experience as a clinical psychologist, Nancy Stella, PsyD, PhD, helps us get unstuck by teaching us how our brain processes fear. Using current neuroscience research, her Courageous Brain Process (CBP) provides transformative, science-based practices to regain control over the emotions that once controlled us.

“Fear Traps: Escape the Triggers that Keep You Stuck”
Dr. Nancy Stella | Oct. 26, 2021 | Berry Powell Press | Nonfiction / Mental Health
Paperback | ISBN 978-1-7363953-0-1 | $15.99
Ebook | ISBN 978-1-7363953-1-8 | $9.99

About the Author

Dr. Nancy Stella has been a leading clinical psychologist in the Cincinnati area for over 20 years. As former president and owner, Dr. Stella expanded BridgePointe Psychological and Counseling Center into one of Ohio’s largest private, multi-specialty mental health practices with over 75 providers.

After a shattering divorce, Dr. Stella found traditional therapeutic approaches wanting, so she developed the Courageous Brain Process (CBP) — an innovative, science-based method of therapy. Rooted in the most up-to-date neuroscience, it bypassed the shortcomings of traditional talk therapy to repattern the way our brains process fear.

When the results proved to be undeniably effective, Dr. Stella left BridgePointe in 2014 to open a counseling practice focused on the CBP. As a result, countless clients have been able to break free of self-destructive patterns triggered by unresolved fear. In addition, Dr. Stella provides training and consultation to other clinicians who want to include this method in their practices.

Follow Dr. Nancy Stella:
Website: NancyStella.com| Instagram: @drnancystella

Praise for “Fear Traps”

“A must-have resource for anyone stuck in a cycle of fear.”
— Celia Oliver, PhD, PsyD, President of the New Hampshire Psychological Association

“Dr. Stella integrates cutting-edge neuroscience, millennia-old meditation practices, and decades of clinical experience to provide hope and concrete guidance to anyone trapped in the revolving door of their own fears.”
— Richard Reckman, PhD, Past President, Ohio Psychological Association

“When we feel small and paralyzed, this book reminds us we are capable of so much more than we think.”
— Marian Rubin, LISW, Licensed Independent Social Worker

“Dr. Stella takes away the stigma often associated with trauma responses.”
— Dianne Latimer, PsyD, Licensed Psychologist

In an interview, Dr. Nancy Stella can discuss:

• How the lowest, darkest period of her life inspired her to confront and conquer fear.
• How to recognize fear, an uncomfortable feeling triggered by the belief that something is threatening us. The threat can be physical, emotional, or both.
• Trigger warnings—how to recognize signs that appear when you’re feeling stuck in an ongoing cycle of fear.
• Why, as a psychologist, she focuses on fear, not just anxiety and depression.
• The Courageous Brain Process—a six-step plan to help people overcome the root fears behind anxiety and depression to create lasting change:
  1. Tell your story
  2. Identify your triggers
  3. Describe patterns of self-sabotage
  4. Imagine the worst-case scenario
  5. Create a courageous brain
  6. Live free of the fear trap
• The role of resilience in challenging times, such as the global pandemic.
• What mindful meditation exercises can teach us about controlling and overcoming fear.

An Interview with Nancy Stella

The concepts introduced in “Fear Traps” were born out of the lowest, darkest point in your life after learning that your husband at the time was having an affair. How did that discovery affect you and eventually lead to the six-step plan that you call the Courageous Brain Process?

At the time I discovered my husband’s affair, I was a psychologist with a thriving practice. On a personal level, I was an emotionally mature woman with the ability to successfully deal with this kind of trauma. Of course it hurts terribly when someone you love betrays you, and it’s not easy to go through a divorce, but I had everything I needed to be okay—practically, emotionally, and psychologically.

However, I did not feel like I could cope. In fact, I felt like I couldn’t survive without him, very much like a child feels if they’re abandoned by a parent. I became needy and clingy. I knew crying and pleading with my husband would not convince him to stay, but my adult self flew out the window.

I recognized that I was overreacting, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was then that I realized: my brain is not just reacting to this loss. The experience of suddenly losing someone I loved reminded my brain of my father suddenly dying when I was 5. Suddenly, I lost my adult abilities to cope—I acted like a 5 year-old again. I may have been using adult language, but I lost the ability to deal with the situation like the capable, self-sustaining woman I was.

Then an amazing insight hit me: I had seen this pattern over and over again with my clients. When triggered, we think and problem solve at the age the trauma or original wound first occurred. For example, if you were criticized by a teacher when you were in the third grade, you would revert back to an eight-year-old when given a bad review by your supervisor. If a beloved grandparent died when you were ten, you might handle your grief like a child if you lost someone as an adult. If as a teenager, you were mocked for being overweight, you might respond like an adolescent if someone suggests you should diet. The painful events can stick with us so that later in life our brains are reminded of that past wound. We become triggered and our brains over-react to the perceived danger, even if we’re not in danger at all.

I realized in order to create sustaining change, we need to address the original fear. Mine was the fear of abandonment. But I wondered, what does it actually look like to break free of those entrenched fears? This is how the Courageous Brain Process emerged. I developed it to give both myself and my clients practical tools to work through the root fears behind the symptoms of anxiety and depression to create the lasting change we seek.

What are the six steps of the Courageous Brain Process?

1. Tell your story
   1. Telling your story provides a foundation for the next two steps, and it’s critical to starting the healing process.
2. Identify your triggers
   1. This helps us understand what sets off the “danger signal” in our brains so we can discern when the danger is real versus when we’re likely overreacting.
3. Describe patterns of self-sabotage
   1. When we’re triggered, we make choices out of fear. Those choices tend to hurt us and others, but we continue to make them repeatedly. We must recognize these patterns so we can work against them.
4. Imagine the worst-case scenario
   1. The worst-case scenario is almost always something we can survive. This realization undermines and diffuses the fear we feel.
5. Create a courageous brain
   1. This means actually changing the physical structures of your brain through a focused meditation exercise in the book specifically targeted for a particular fear.
6. Live free of the fear trap
   1. This involves continual self-awareness and practice.

These six steps help people create courageous brains, free from past trauma and confident to handle whatever comes their way.

How do you define fear, and what exactly is a “fear trap?”

Fear is a strong and uncomfortable feeling triggered by the belief that something is threatening us. The threat can be physical, emotional, or both. When we feel fear, our body responds with a jolt of adrenaline that pushes us to respond and seek safety. We need this instinct to keep us safe. However, a fear trap occurs when we are chronically fearful that something bad is going to happen based on something painful that happened to us before.

When we’re stuck in a fear trap, we go round and round in a cycle of anxiety. We engage in self-defeating patterns of overreaction that can literally ruin our relationships, careers, and health. I was stuck in a fear trap for many years, and I’ve seen chronic fear steal the joy and health from the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over several decades.

Why do you specifically focus on fear rather than anxiety or depression?

Anxiety and depression can have a variety of causes, but they typically trace back to a root fear. Fear is a basic physiological and emotional response to a perceived threat. When we’re stuck in fear, we feel helpless to change. But when we understand how the brain works and address the root issue of fear, we show our brains that we are safe.

In your book, you mention that people experience fear in three basic ways: fight, flight, and freeze. What does that mean?

Fight, flight and freeze are primitive and automatic responses to fear designed to save our lives. When in danger, our physiological makeup allows us to respond automatically to be safe—that is we can fight the danger, flee from the danger or freeze so the danger does not attack us. For example, if you stepped off a curb and a bus was barrelling towards you, you would not stop and think about what to do. You automatically respond in a way that keeps you safe and gets you out of the way of the bus. In other situations, fighting the danger or being still would be the safest route.

However, since the flight, flight, or freeze response originates from a primitive part of our reptilian brain, it only knows if we are in danger by what our “smart brain” (our frontal lobes) think. Our primitive brain cannot assess what’s actually dangerous or not. So when our smart brain starts worrying about something, our primitive brain can’t tell if a tiger is chasing you, if you’re late to work, or if you’re worried about your relationship ending. When the smart brain worries our primitive brain kicks into action to protect us, even if we’re not in real danger.

What does it mean to feel “stuck,” and what signs can people look for to recognize that feeling?

We know we are stuck in a fear trap when our reaction to a situation is out of proportion to the event. When we overreact, we are being triggered by not only the current situation, but situations where we have been hurt in the past. This response often becomes a repetitive pattern. We feel stuck because we know our reaction doesn’t actually get us what we want, but we feel helpless to respond any differently.

Signs people can look for to recognize they’re being triggered:

1. You feel angry, scared, and/or overwhelmed
2. Your reaction is out of proportion to the actual situation
3. You experience an uncomfortable physical reaction (headache, tense shoulders, stomach ache, shallow breathing, etc.)
4. The situation becomes very black and white
5. You can’t stop thinking about it
6. The situation feels urgent, even if it’s not
7. You dwell on the worst-case scenario
8. Your perspective becomes “me versus them”
9. You make assumptions about others and attribute motives to their actions

When you experience any of these, you know that the “fear center” of your brain is activated. Your feelings likely don’t represent reality in these moments. You have the choice to calm down before reacting so you can think critically about the situation and respond in a way that helps yourself and others.

For many people, the past couple years have been punctuated by loss, grief, anxiety and fear, but what are your thoughts on our resiliency during these difficult times?

We like predictability; we want to know what is going to happen because it makes us feel in-control and therefore safe. The COVID crisis robbed many of us of our feelings of control and security in believing we could predict what may happen. With uncertainty often comes fear. Reactions ranged from disbelief to terror. The challenge was to face our fear and respond in a healthy way. First of all, it is normal to feel afraid. Fear is an adaptive response to let us know of a potential threat. Yet, fear becomes unhealthy when it takes over, leading to destructive behaviors, anxiety, or depression.

Resiliency is a term many of you are familiar with. Resiliency refers to the ability to manage and return to a state of well being, in spite of difficult situations. The Courageous Brain Process uses an understanding of how the brain actually functions to make the brain more resilient. It guides people through the processes of facing what they fear and learning new ways to manage past hurts that trigger them.

What sets “Fear Traps” apart from other self-help books out there?

1. It’s practical, tangible, and simple. With or without therapy, anyone can implement these clearly outlined tools into their everyday life.
2. It presents tools that are scientifically proven to actually change the physical structures of our brain because it’s rooted in the most up-to-date science of how our brain actually works, and it’s backed by clinical professionals.
3. It’s time-tested with over a decade of actual clinical experience.

Your book includes meditation exercises. How does meditation relate to overcoming fear?

Meditation, particularly mindful meditation, essentially teaches us mind control. Our fears all exist in our brains, and focused meditation is scientifically proven to change our brains. This allows us to intentionally shift our thoughts from worry to the present and reroute toxic cycles of thought that we thought we had no control over. The caveat: practice is important. Learning the skill before you need it, so your brain does not fight you when needed.

Do you need to be in therapy to understand and use the concepts in your book?

Not at all. The concepts in the book are easy to understand even if you’ve never been to therapy. In fact, this method has proven helpful for many people who didn’t feel ready to commit to therapy, or those who had a bad experience and weren’t ready to go back. This method is for people who know they’re stuck in a cycle and are determined to change, wherever they’re at in the process.

However, I will add: dealing with particularly severe early wounds can be overwhelming. In this case, I recommend working with a therapist as well.

Your book has such a hopeful, promising tone and makes overcoming fear sound so simple. Is it really?

Understanding and implementing the six steps of the Courageous Brain Process is simple. The process works.

However, wounds take time to heal. Facing our triggers and healing wounds stirs up some of the most challenging parts of our past and present. That’s never easy. But neither is being stuck in destructive cycles of fear! With practice, the process becomes easier and easier—especially as you observe the changes in yourself and your life. Eventually, it becomes a way of thinking.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

Award-winning author Tessa Bridal was born and raised in Uruguay, leaving with her family when she was 20. Now, she returns to chronicle the stories of those who disappeared during the country’s political turmoil — following the stories of families, their loss and their resilience in her new book, “The Dark Side of Memory” (Oct. 26, 2021, Invisible Ink).

“The Dark Side of Memory” is a gripping and incisive narrative of the multi-generational effect of the extremist military dictatorships in Uruguay and Argentina, as told to the author by families of the disappeared. Through her retelling, Bridal elevates the stories of the overlooked, voiceless and forgotten humans behind political turmoil.

As University of San Francisco Latin American Studies Program Director Roberto Gutiérrez Varea praises:

“Bridal offers us a poignant, clear-eyed view of the conflict, to best measure the viciousness of the military’s actions, and the courageous resilience of survivors and relatives who never gave up on their abducted kin. In the age of Black Lives Matter and the brutal detention of children by US Immigration Enforcement at the border, The Dark Side of Memory is a most caring and powerful cautionary tale as to the enduring, generational nature of trauma when political violence is unleashed on those most vulnerable.”

“The Dark Side of Memory: Uruguay’s Disappeared Children and the Families who Never Stopped Searching”
Tessa Bridal |Oct. 26, 2021 | Invisible Ink | Nonfiction
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-7369386-0-7 | Ebook ISBN: 978-1-7369386-1-4

About the Author

Tessa Bridal was born and raised in Uruguay, a third generation descendent of a resilient and courageous Irish woman who boarded a ship she had been informed was sailing for Boston. Once on the high seas she discovered that she was instead headed for Buenos Aires. (Her ancestor’s story is told in Bridal’s second novel River of Painted Birds.) Generations later, Bridal reached the shores her great-great-grandmother thought she was bound for. She worked in Washington DC saving to take a three- year acting and directing course at a London drama academy. She returned to the United States and settled in Minnesota, where she studied sign language and became Artistic Director of the Minnesota Theatre Institute of the Deaf. Her first novel The Tree of Red Stars won the Milkweed National Prize for Fiction and the Friends of American Writers annual award. Her work has been reviewed by the New York Times and praised by educators and historians. She is the recipient of the American Association of Museums (now the American Alliance of Museums) Educators Award for Excellence for her work in creating educational theatre programs that became the model not only for science and children’s museums, but for zoos and aquariums as well. She has worked at the Science Museum of Minnesota, the Indianapolis Children’s Museum, and the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

She is the proud mother of two daughters and grandmother of two boys (seven and five) with a promising future in wrestling, magical thinking, and experimental science.

Early Praise for “The Dark Side of Memory”

“A bright star in a constellation of creative nonfiction works about the violent conflicts of mid-late 20th century in Latin America, the book casts a profound human gaze on a most devastating personal and social tragedy. The Dark Side of Memory weaves its narrative slowly. It pulls you in until you are compelled to read on in spite of a growing sense of foreboding. You are entering the sacred grounds of deep loss and deaths foretold, only, you are doing so held by Bridal’s compassionate hand and beautifully evocative voice. It lifts the lesser known stories of Uruguayan victims of the dictatorships that plagued South America’s “southern cone” up to the altar of quotidian, anonymous heroism where they belong. Critically, it centers its narrative on the behind-the-scenes epic struggle to recover defenseless young children, some born in clandestine torture centers where their mothers were murdered by those who kept them as their own. In doing so, Bridal offers us a poignant, clear-eyed view of the conflict, to best measure the viciousness of the military’s actions, and the courageous resilience of survivors and relatives who never gave up on their abducted kin. In the age of Black Lives Matter and the brutal detention of children by US Immigration Enforcement at the border, The Dark Side of Memory is a most caring and powerful cautionary tale as to the enduring, generational nature of trauma when political violence is unleashed on those most vulnerable.”
— Roberto Gutiérrez Varea, Director, Latin American Studies Program, University of San Francisco

“Tessa Bridal’s The Dark Side of Memory has the immediacy of a novel. We travel alongside a group of indefatigable women: into the torture centers of the Argentine military junta; through their long bureaucratic battles to rescue the children who were stolen from them. This is a book about the way the violence of the past weighs on the future, shaping its possibilities. And it is also a book about how acknowledging that past—fighting against the seductions of forgetting—opens a less violent, more human future.”
— Toby Altman, National Endowment for the Arts 2021-2022 Fellow in Poetry

“This is a holy book—because it tells the truth, concretely and unflinchingly. In the midst of an inferno, The Dark Side of Memory points us to the lives of the mothers and grandmothers of Uruguay and Argentina who, out of great love for their children, refused to permit the perpetrators of devastation to have the final word. Tessa Bridal bears witness to the power of memory, truth-telling, and hope, and so also to the possibility of a just world. This is a tremendous work of love.”
— Ry O. Siggelkow, Director of Initiatives in Faith & Praxis, University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, MN

“These life stories, portrayed in all their vivid complexity by Tessa Bridal, honor the humanity of the many who were dehumanized by Latin America’s dirty wars. Her creative telling brings us as close as we can get to grasping the motivations behind the crime of enforced disappearance, and to feeling for ourselves its deep and lasting scars upon victims, families and societies.”
— Barbara Frey, Director, Human Rights Program, University of Minnesota

In an interview, Tessa Bridal can discuss:

• Her unwavering commitment to documenting the stories of the families featured in the “The Dark Side of Memory.”
• Understanding the impact of family separation. The similarity between the arrests carried out by the South American military and those of the U.S. immigration authorities, including the separation of infants and children from their parents. Argentina’s National Commission on the Disappeared reported that the effects of these experiences were traumatic, and “had a very serious effect on their personality. So serious that sometimes they died as a result.”
• The human cost of political dissent, and the generational damage of the disappearance of children.
• The courage and perseverance of women, and the role of family matriarchs in the search for missing kin. After decades searching for her missing daughter, son in law, and grandchild one of the heroic women featured in the book speaks of disappearance as “a permanent crime. It is a form of dying that doesn’t allow for death or life.”
• Elements of the Cold War not often brought to light, such as the participation of the United States in the Condor Plan, parts of which were resurrected after the 9/11 attacks. These include the passage of the Patriot Act and the Military Order, authorizing the creation of special military tribunals to try non-citizens, as well as secret detention sites where those arrested could be held indefinitely without legal representation.

An Interview with Tessa Bridal

Before we dive in, can you set the scene for us? Politically speaking, what was South America, specifically Uruguay and Argentina, like during the height of the Cold War era?

By the mid-1970s most of South America, including its two largest countries — Argentina and Brazil — were under repressive military dictatorships. Under these regimes it was not necessary to commit a crime in order to be arrested by the military. People lived in fear simply of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thousands emigrated to Argentina, the last hold out. It felt safer than other countries at the time, but with Juan Perón’s brief return to power, it soon became the most dangerous, and the number of the missing soared. Relatives who persisted in questioning the authorities risked joining the ranks of the disappeared.

Because many were taken to secret holding centers, the numbers of the disappeared are based on family reports. Argentina alone estimates 30,000 (out of a population of 23 million). Mass graves continue to be found. Uruguay estimates about 200 (out of a population of 3.5 million). Research reveals discrepancies between official and unofficial numbers. Unlike the Nazis in World War II, dictatorships were not known for their accuracy and kept few records (still coming to light or being produced with court orders).

A staggering number of children and adults went missing during these tragic times. What happened to them? How many survivors were there?

The number of Uruguayan children still missing and unaccounted for is between 17 and 20. An unknown number of the women arrested during the dictatorships were pregnant. Some were known by their relatives to be carrying a child, but there were cases where the woman herself didn’t know she was pregnant at the time of her arrest. Women associated in any way with guerrilla activities were under constant surveillance, and communication with relatives was difficult to impossible. Whether women gave birth while under arrest or at home, they and their babies were at risk. Many childless families were eager to “adopt” babies and children offered to them by the authorities running the secret detention centers, or taken from their homes at the time of their parents’ arrest. As more of these cases come to light, the numbers increase.

Why is this book important to you on a personal level?

Whenever I visited Uruguay I would hear about the disappeared, either in a news report or in conversations with relatives and friends. I began to research what led up to the arrests and disappearances and to meet with people who had been involved politically during these troubled times, including friends and family members. As I listened to the courageous and undaunted women who searched for years and decades to locate their children and grandchildren, I began to record and write their stories.

Eventually, I met some of the disappeared children (now adults) themselves, and was inspired by their willingness and generosity. One of them felt strongly that books should be written and documentaries and films made about the disappeared but wondered if anyone will be interested in children they have never met. I assured him that I would do my best to ensure that they are.

How did you connect with the families you profiled in your book, and how did you approach documenting their stories? Were any of the people you interviewed hesitant to share their experiences?

A friend who had been imprisoned and had a child born in prison in Uruguay introduced me to the organization Families of the Detained-Disappeared. They gave me the names of people willing to talk about their experiences. In all cases, I asked for permission to record the interviews and to take photographs. I encountered no reluctance to share their experiences. A certain initial reserve, yes. But that is very typical of Uruguayans, who are warm and welcoming, but don’t open up as readily as I have found people tend to do in the United States.

As someone who grew up in Uruguay and later left the country, did hearing these stories change your perspective and the lens through which you viewed political turmoil in Latin America?

Hearing the stories of the disappeared changed not only how I looked at Latin American politics, but how I looked at U.S. politics. I realized that I had not examined as many perspectives of either one as necessary for writing this book. I was not interested in judging and condemning, but in trying to understand how the events I was researching had come to pass. Where and how had things gone so wrong? I do not pretend to have arrived at all the answers, but from that time to this I have had an opportunity to study war and politics, their complexities, and the price children pay for our failure to learn from past mistakes.

Can you tell us more about the importance of family matriarchs and women in searching for the missing?

It is impossible for me to say with any certainty why it was primarily the mothers and grandmothers of the disappeared who never gave up and who put their own lives at risk to find their children and grandchildren. Both the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo in Argentina and the Uruguayan Madres y familiares de uruguayos detenidos desaparecidos (Mothers and Families of Detained Disappeared Uruguayans) were founded and are run by women.

In both countries women are exceptionally independent and in the eyes of some undaunted, aggressive fighters. Laws provide equal and free education for all sexes, women are proud professionals in many fields and have been for decades, and the strict separation of church and state (in Uruguay for instance, one is free to have as lavish a church ceremony as one wishes, but only marriages conducted by a judge are considered legal) all contribute to women’s empowerment and equality with men.

Why more men were not at the forefront of the struggle to find their families is worth its own book. Machismo is alive and well, but I believe that there endures an underlying feeling on the part of men that the home and children are still a woman’s purview. In these areas, the men support, but the women lead.

The title of your book, “The Dark Side of Memory,” has a beautifully somber and mysterious tone. What does it mean?

This is a quote from one of the women featured in the book. She used it to describe her granddaughter Mariana’s reluctance to accept her biological family: the dark side of her memories, the painful ones. Mariana’s biological parents have never been found, and the father in the family that illegally adopted her is currently in prison for his part in the disappearance of Uruguayan refugees in Argentina.

How do you think the experiences shared in your book parallel the experiences of families currently dealing with separation, especially at the U.S.-Mexico border?

The circumstances surrounding the issue are different. The consequences are not. The enforced separation of children from their families has long-term consequences for both parents and children.

What was the Condor Plan?

Wikipedia tells us that the Condor Plan or Operation Condor was a United States-backed campaign of political repression and state terror involving intelligence operations and assassination of opponents. This was officially and formally implemented in November 1975 by the right-wing dictatorships of the Southern Cone of South America.

Has voter suppression been an issue in Uruguay?

There is one instance of it in this book. A referendum on whether or not to revoke the amnesty granted to the military for crimes committed during the dictatorship. It called for 525,000 signatures; 595,000 people put their names to the petition. The recount and verification of signatures took a year. By invalidating signatures where there was the slightest discrepancy, the electoral commission brought the number below the required level. In violation of their right to confidentiality, the names and addresses of those whose signatures came under scrutiny were published, and they were invited to re-sign during a three day period at sites that remained open only during working hours. The revocation failed. The Mental Health and Human Rights Institute of Latin America believed that “the community administered its own punishment: forgetting. But amnesty does not bring about amnesia.”

How did Uruguay change once democracy returned?

The fact that marches and demonstrations in Uruguay are still held demanding government action on the conduct of the military, speaks volumes. Every 20th of May the Marcha del silencio (the March of Silence) takes place in Uruguay’s capital, Montevideo. Not only do the families of those still on the list of the disappeared march, holding placards with their loved ones names and photos, but they are joined by thousands of citizens in increasing numbers each year. It has taken decades to bring to justice a few of the military involved in the crimes of torture, kidnapping, and disappearance. Most Uruguayans would agree that the vast majority has so far got away with their criminal activities.

Praise for “The Tree of Red Stars”

“Tessa Bridal brings a fresh voice to Latin American literature in her first novel, “The Tree of Red Stars.” Bridal, who was born and raised in Uruguay, uses her book to present a harrowing account of that country’s takeover by a military dictatorship, a regime that violently demolished one of Latin America’s oldest democracies. As the story leads up to these dramatic events, Bridal describes life in Montevideo through the eyes of Magda, a young woman from an upper-middle-class family who has lived a sheltered and secure existence – until the growing political unrest threatens to erupt even within her own wealthy neighborhood. And when Magda’s friends and their families are endangered, she is forced to make use of her privileges in ways that will also be hazardous to herself. Bridal’s narrative concentrates on a matter-of-fact rendering of Magda’s transformation into a revolutionary, dispelling stereotypical notions about the relationship between social class and volatile political activism. Magda’s association with the socialist Tupamaro guerrillas stems less from entrenched political beliefs than from her loyalty to her friends and her love for the country in which she has spent her childhood. As “The Tree of Red Stars” proceeds, Bridal recounts Magda’s perilous activities with a chillingly understated sense of inevitability.” — The New York Times Book Review

“…Set in 1960’s Uruguay, Tessa Bridal’s first novel – winner of this year’s (1997) Milkweed National Fiction Prize – is a skillful, utterly engrossing portrait of a social conscience awakening against fervent and often furtive friendships, personal and political loyalty, filial defiance and impossible love. … The Tree of Red Stars is an unpredictable and exquisite story.” — Time Out New York Review

“A moving and fictional account of events that must be remembered.” — Booklist

“A luminously written debut novel, winner of the 1997 Milkweed Prize for Fiction, about love and ideals under siege in 1960’s Uruguay. … Love and the past beautifully evoked in a faraway place…” — Kirkus Reviews

“…Bridal writes with power and compassion…this novel is recommended for all libraries.” — Choice

“…the straightforward plot effectively captures the terror or modern despotism as well as the hope necessary to overcome it. Recommended for all libraries. The book was also selected for the 1998 Teen List by the New York Public Library and was one of 6 books chosen by The Independent Reader as one of the year’s “most recommended” titles.” — Library Journal

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

Compelling contemporary novel filled with hope, renewal and a touch of magic

Auckland, NZ – After spending nearly 10 years writing, editing, and dreaming, Christopher Parker is making his authorial debut with a page-turning book flowing with love, suspense, mystery, and whimsy. Originating from a short story he created as a child, the result of Parker’s decadelong mission to produce the book has come to fruition with “The Lighthouse” (Oct. 26, 2021, Beacon Press Limited).

Motivated by the birth of his daughter and to fulfill his lifelong dream of drafting a full-length novel, Parker was inspired to write a story like no other, focusing his time on the craft of storytelling and the importance of his characters. Leaving no stone unturned, his devotion to his craft is reflected in his writing, his attention to detail, and the emotional development of his two main characters in a book that fellow New Zealand author Tina Shaw has deemed, “Bloody amazing.”

The thrilling story follows Amy, a young woman grieving the loss of her mother, and Ryan, a young ranch hand whose ardent love for his father drives him to continue running his family’s failing business. When Amy first visits Seabrook, Oregon, she’s immediately fascinated by the beautiful coast and its ghostly past. And while her first impressions of Ryan aren’t the most flattering, their friendship forms deeper bonds as the truth behind the town lighthouse and its supernatural aura emerge.

The two, coming of age and filled with hopeful renewal, embark on an unexpected journey to find the truth, each other, and most importantly, themselves. Parker’s dazzling debut is sure to captivate readers with an unexpected story that will surprise and charm on every page.

“The Lighthouse”
Christopher Parker | Oct. 26, 2021 | Beacon Press Limited | Fiction
Paperback | 978-0-9951495-0-2 | $15.99 | Ebook | $5.99

Something strange is happening in Seabrook. The town’s lighthouse–dormant for over thirty years and famously haunted–has inexplicably started shining, and its mysterious glow is sparking feverish gossip throughout the spooked community.

Amy Tucker is only visiting for the night and has no plans to get caught up in the hysteria, but that changes when she meets Ryan, the loyal, hard-working son of a ranch owner who lives on the outskirts of town.

Their chance encounter turns into an unforgettable weekend, and against the backdrop of the lighthouse-obsessed town, the two of them forge a deep connection, opening their hearts, baring their souls, and revealing secrets long kept hidden.

But as they grow closer, and as the lighthouse glows ever brighter, a startling discovery about Ryan leaves Amy questioning everything she thought she knew. To uncover the truth about her new friend, Amy will need to enter Seabrook’s ominous tower, where waiting inside she will not only find the reason why fate has brought them together… but a shocking secret that will change the course of their lives forever.

“This smart, suspenseful, and briskly paced work will keep readers guessing. … a haunting but hopeful work of supernatural fiction that comes to a satisfying conclusion.” — Kirkus Reviews

Praise for Christopher Parker and “The Lighthouse”

“Bloody amazing … ‘The Lighthouse’ will have you laughing then weeping.
I couldn’t put it down.” — TINA SHAW, author of “The Children’s Pond”

Christopher Parker was born in Takapuna, a seaside suburb in Auckland, New Zealand, where he currently lives with his daughter. Having loved writing stories growing up, it was a walk along Takapuna beach and a chance glimpse at a distant lighthouse that made him want to revisit his childhood passion and try his hand at producing a novel. Nearly 10 years on from that fateful stroll, he is proud to finally share his story. You can find him on his website at https://www.christopherparker.com.

Follow Christopher Parker
on social media: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

In an interview, Christopher Parker can discuss:

• The book’s journey from short story to a full-length novel
• His motivation and writing process over the past 10 years
• Tackling themes of grief and loss and the hopefulness the book leaves with readers
• Developing his characters and crafting the the fictional town of Seabrook, Oregon
• The use of magical realism and mystery to set the book’s tone
• The incorporation of the lighthouse and its eerie effects
• Projects he’s working on next

An Interview with Christopher Parker

1. “The Lighthouse” is an exceptional story that took you nearly 10 years to finish. Where did it all begin and how did the timeline of the process progress?

It began somewhat naively. I had the idea for the story I wanted to tell, I calculated how many words I could write per day, and I figured I could be done in three months. The first draft ended up taking three years and it was awful. It was overwritten and full of subplots that went nowhere. I then began reading as widely and voraciously as I could, determined to learn and understand more about the craft, and I started the manuscript again from scratch. The second draft took a further three years, followed by another couple of years of editing and revision. Had I known what was involved at the beginning, I’m not sure I would’ve begun!

2. What was your motivation to keep writing all these years?

I believed in the story so much that I had no choice but to see it through to the end. At times I felt very much like a sailor lost at sea — too far from home to quit but no sight of a destination either. I had no choice but to just keep sailing. It did me no good to plot an end date or to try and hurry along the process. My only approach was to do my best every day, keep making progress and moving forward. As long as I did that, then I knew that one day I would find myself at the finish line.

3. While you’re from New Zealand, you set your book off the coast of Oregon. Is there any significance with choosing this setting?

This was a decision made early in the process, mostly because the characteristics of the story lent to a North American setting. Ryan lives and works on a ranch, and Amy (in the first draft of the book) was a swimmer on a college scholarship — both these elements felt more quintessentially “American” than New Zealand. As for Oregon, that choice was driven by the needs of the story, too. It was important that the fictional town of Seabrook be situated in a picturesque landscape where a haunted lighthouse wouldn’t be out of place, and Oregon’s beautiful, dramatic coastline was the ideal setting.

4. How did you come up with Amy and Ryan? Are they inspired by anyone in your own life?

Amy and Ryan aren’t inspired by anyone in particular. The idea began with the concept of the lighthouse and then the characters were brought to life to serve the building’s pivotal role in the story. However, once I began writing Amy and Ryan and spending time with them, they took on a life of their own and I became quite attached. Over the years, they’ve become like extended members of the family. Even though the story has been written, I still think about them often and know everything that happens after the final page.

5. What were some of your personal goals with writing this story?

To finish the thing! On a personal level, I simply wanted to do the best job I could and publish something my daughter could one day look back on and be proud to say, “My dad wrote that.” The book is dedicated to her, and she’s the reader I want to impress the most.

6. Without any spoilers, can you talk about the significance of the lighthouse?

I’ve always been fascinated by lighthouses and long admired them. It was never my intention to write a novel featuring one, but when I thought up the central idea of the story, there was no other building better suited to play the part. There is also an obvious strong echo between a lighthouse’s role in being a guiding light for sailors out at sea and the part it plays in being a beacon for Amy and Ryan. In my story, it is a symbol of light and hope, both literally and metaphorically.

7. One of the major themes in the book is Amy’s process of grieving her mother. Why was it important to include themes of grief and loss?

I think, like everyone, I am intrigued by the concept of death and the eternal question of what ultimately becomes of us. The book does deal with grief and loss, but more than that, I believe “The Lighthouse” is a story about love — not just the love that exists between two young people who are fatefully thrown into each other’s lives but also the kind of love that exists between a grieving husband and his wife, as well as that unconditional, unshakeable bond of love that exists between parent and child. I believe love is more than a fleeting emotion or just a chemical reaction in the brain. To me it’s a tangible part of the human spirit that endures long after we’re gone. “The Lighthouse” is an exploration of those ideas.

8. What was the biggest challenge you faced while writing the book?

Being able to step back from the story. When you’re deep in the process of writing, it’s difficult to look at it objectively and ask the tough questions: Does this scene need to be here? Does this conversation serve the story? Is this choice consistent with the character? I’ve had to cull hundreds of thousands of words — some of them I was quite proud of — simply because they didn’t serve the arc of the story or add anything to the journey of the characters. It’s a painful, challenging skill to learn, and I’m not sure I’ve even mastered it, but I believe it’s something every writer must do if they’re to create an engaging, fulfilling story for the reader.

9. What are some surprising things you’ve discovered self-publishing your novel?

Just how challenging it can be to know when it’s time to let go. When you’re publishing traditionally, you’ll likely have a deadline, but when you’re self-publishing you’ve got all the time in the world, which can be a blessing but also a curse. It can be very tempting to get stuck in a loop of getting feedback and making tweaks to the manuscript in the hope that you’ll be able to create something that pleases everyone. But that’s never going to be possible. There’s a fine line between making improvements and editing the life out of the story, and at some point, you need to know when enough is enough.

10. Why is “The Lighthouse” such an important story to you? What do you hope readers gain from the book?

It’s important to me because it’s the exact kind of book I’d like to pick up and read — a story that takes readers on an exciting, unexpected ride and has a bit of everything: mystery, love and a touch of magic. I just hope readers are entertained and that the themes and ideas explored in the story resonate with people.

11. What projects are you working on next?

I have the rough outline of the next novel sketched out, and in the meantime (while getting “The Lighthouse” ready for publication) I wrote a children’s story about a troublesome dog that’s being illustrated now. That only took a month to write, and I found the process refreshingly easier than the gargantuan task of completing a full-length novel. I am, however, looking forward to immersing myself in the next one.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/

An expert’s debut empowers women to be resilient after experiencing job loss

“a must-read for career-driven people of all genders” –Foreword Clarion Reviews

New York, NY – A quick-witted and fast-paced self-help book from debut author and rainmaker, Robin Merle, dives into the emotional trauma of women whose job loss wasn’t part of the original plan. Involuntary Exit: A Woman’s Guide to Thriving After Being Fired (She Writes Press, Oct. 19, 2021) is about moving forward, illustrated by women’s remarkable stories of pain, progress, and purpose as they chart their own journey to more meaningful success.

It can take less than a minute to get fired. Less than a minute to hear the words that change your life as you’ve known it. You’re stunned, shocked, humiliated because your career has defined your life and you’ve been blindsided. You’re a company Loyalist with a capital L, and you’ve been sucker punched professionally. How do you even talk about this?

With advice for every unexpected twist, turn, and emotional trigger, this book is based on author Robin Merle’s experience at the top of billion-dollar organizations, as well as her interviews with accomplished women who were suddenly severed from their organizations and navigated their way back to success. The real-life examples she offers in these pages prove that readers are not alone and that they, too, can get through this. Whether being fired or needing to move on, Involuntary Exit will help readers rediscover their value and emerge as stronger leaders on their own terms.

Involuntary Exit: A Woman’s Guide to Thriving After Being Fired
Robin Merle | Oct. 19, 2021 | She Writes Press | Nonfiction/Self-Help
Paperback | 978-1647423094 | $16.95

“a nuanced look at the psychology of organizational loyalty and the grief that results from the end of a professional relationship” –Kirkus Reviews

Robin Merle has been a senior executive for billion-dollar organizations. She is a veteran of the power, value, and identity wars at the top ranks; has raised more than a half-billion dollars in philanthropy during her decades working with nonprofit organizations; has served as a board member for three nonprofits in New York City; and has been the vice chair of National Philanthropy Day in New York for three consecutive years. In 2017, she was named Woman of Achievement by Women In Development (WID) for her leadership in fundraising and commitment to women in the field. Robin is a frequent speaker at national conferences on fundraising and leadership. Her short fiction has been published in various literary magazines. Involuntary Exit is her first nonfiction book. Robin splits her time between New York City and North Conway, New Hampshire and Maine. You can find Robin Merle at her website: https://theprofessionalguide.com

In an interview, Robin Merle can discuss:

• Why being fired is such a devastating experience, including the emotional, mental, and even financial toll of being fired
• How she conducted interviews with real women who were severed from their organizations, and what she learned from speaking with them
• How destigmatizing being fired can lead to community-building and personal growth
• Her advice for dealing with uncertainty in the workplace, especially as we are still evaluating the short- and long-term effects of the pandemic

An Interview with Robin Merle

1. Who is “Involuntary Exit” for? What types of readers will gravitate toward this book?

• Mid- to high-ranking professional women
• Women who are in senior management and women who want to get there someday
• Women who are more junior in their careers and looking for advice to navigate their careers forward
• Career-focused women, especially those who have been fired or who lost their job during the pandemic
• Anyone who is unemployed and who feels like they lost their identity when they lost their job

2. What inspired you to write this book?

There was no manual for dealing with this kind of loss. There was plenty about writing resumes, negotiating severances, etc. or self-congratulatory articles about rebounding, without any reference to how people managed themselves from the moment they heard their life at the company was over. I recognized there was a void, and I wanted to help as many women as possible.

3. What was the writing process like for you? How about the researching and interviewing phase?

It was like peeling an onion. The first draft came very quickly. As I began speaking with professional women, the stories unfolded and poured forward, and the writing process became dynamic. I was actually adding interviews two years after the first draft because of the impact of the pandemic. Everyone referred me to another woman with another story.

The interviews were eye-opening, validating, and therapeutic for almost all of the women, by their own admission. It was as if no one had ever asked them about something that was so commonplace, and they finally felt heard and not alone.

One of the most exhilarating aspects was following up with the women a year or two after they had been let go and hearing how happy they were, some at senior levels for a different company and some as founders and presidents of their own firms.

4. During the past year amid a global pandemic, countless women left their jobs to take care of their families. How will this book help those women should they return to the workforce down the road?

The book’s tactical advice is relevant to any job loss, whether involuntary or voluntary. My research found that the pandemic helped many women step back, reflect, and reinvent themselves during the “Shecession” (what economists have called the early months of the pandemic), which is a key strategy promoted in my book. In addition to encouraging big-picture thinking, the book addresses readers’ short-term and/or practical needs. For example, readers will hear about the nuances of networking for reentry. The book is filled with tips, takeaways, and advice based on real experiences, and is easy to flip through and refer back to when spirits sag or questions loom like How do I handle this?

5. “Involuntary Exit” also dives into the emotional and mental trauma of being fired. Is one of your goals to destigmatize being fired? What would it look like to shift the shame of that experience into something positive?

Yes, being fired can feel stigmatizing and I want to change this. What I learned in my research is that it was more uncommon if a woman had not been fired on her way to success. Hearing the stories of other women who have not only survived but prospered is part of the healing process. Knowing that you are not alone, that your feelings are valid, that there is empathy and community behind you is restorative. This is the antidote to withdrawing to a dark corner of your psyche dripping with shame. My hope is that readers will ultimately accept that being fired was a blessing in disguise that has helped them carve out a more rewarding life and a beautiful future.

6. What’s the one piece of advice you would give someone who has experienced a recent dismissal?

Don’t confuse moving quickly with moving forward. Take the time to assess your strengths and passions and determine if you want to replicate what you had or do something completely different, assuming you feel financially secure to do so. And, of course, read my book. Inside, you’ll find a community of women who will help you navigate your way back to success on your own terms.

Marissa DeCuir

A former award-winning journalist with national exposure, Marissa now oversees the day-to-day operation of the Books Forward author branding and book marketing firm, along with our indie publishing support sister company Books Fluent.

Born and bred in Louisiana, currently living in New Orleans, she has lived and developed a strong base for our company and authors in Chicago and Nashville. Her journalism work has appeared in USA Today, National Geographic and other major publications. She is now interviewed by media on best practices for book marketing.

booksforward.com/about-us/marissa-decuir/